A few weeks ago, we found out that one of the dad's in Ryder's class had died. It was sudden and tragic and heart breaking and brought up so many emotions and discussions in our family. It's the first time that Ryder was asking about what it means to "die" and what it looks like to "go home to be with Jesus", a common phrase we use when someone has passed. So many questions came up that we would would try to navigate. For example, "What happens when you die?" "So we ALL die?" "When will I die?" "When will you die?" "What is heaven like?" All questions brought up by Ryder at some of the most random times. Honest to God, the questions were simple and honest and the answers were mixed with truth and humor and maybe a tiny bit of lying... So sue me that we told Ryder it would be a million years before we die...♥ We did have some interesting follow up discussions with some of our answers. For example, Kit told Ryder that from what we read in the Bible, heaven is an INCREDIBLE place and that Jesus is there and so the next day, Ryder said to Kit, "I just hope I die soon, because heaven just sounds AWESOME!!! I can't wait to see JESUS!!!" There was definitely a follow up to that discussion. Then Kit told Ryder, in response to "But if we all die, then when are you going to die, dad?" Kit said we never know the actual day but when he was old old old old and his hair was white." The next day, Ryder came into the kitchen for breakfast after snuggling with kit and said in a very serious tone, "Mom, I saw that daddy's hair has lots of white..." I, unaware of the previous "white hair goes to be with Jesus" discussion, said "yah, there is lots of white hair on daddy's head, huh!" Looking panic stricken, he said "But daddy said you go to heaven when you get white hair!!!!!" Again, there was another follow up discussion with our son. All of these tiny conversations going on over the last few weeks have just been heart breaking, Kit and I can't even fathom loosing our dad's let alone the idea of loosing them at such a young age!
It was so interesting to watch Ryder process this loss of his school friend's dad. For example, Ryder said "So his daddy won't ever pick him or drop him off from school ever again?" or "So they won't ever get to wrestle after his daddy gets home from work?" or "His daddy won't be home for dinner again, huh, mom...?" or "So his daddy won't tuck him and sing to him at bedtime, huh, mom...?" Kit and I realized that for Ryder's 5-year-old brain, he was processing what his favorite things with his dad were, and what a huge loss that would be if he couldn't do those things with Kit...
So where are we now with our discussions. Ryder will tell you that when you die, your heart and brain stop working and you stop breathing, but you don't have to be scared because heaven is incredible and Jesus is always with us until we see Him in heaven, and his parents won't die for a million years...♥ I think we have covered the main points right?♥
